Happy Motoring

   The 13 year old wants to drive.  She thinks she should get her hardship licences the minute she turns 14.  I'm not sure what her "hardship" is, and I doubt she knows either.  Still, she wants the hardship license.
   And assumes that a car will magically fall from the sky for her to drive the instant her license is granted.
   To he credit, she's read all the driver's regulations to get a hardship license.  She's even read the rules about when 14 year olds can work, and begun making a list of places that would hire a 14 year old.
   She wants a drivers license.  
   She  wants to drive.
   She has never said anything about wanting to be a "motorist".
   I doubt she has ever used the word "motorist".
   Frankly, I doubt the word "motorist" has ever been used by anyone other than an news anchor, which makes me wonder why that particular class of people insists on using such a non-word.
   Generally speaking, no one wants to be labeled any kind of "ist".  You will find yourself in deep trouble if you call someone a racist, sexist, ageist, fatist, atheist... or, worst of all, a hairist.  My people have been discrimiated against since Samson got the world's most famous hair cut.
   So, etymologically speaking, does this meat a motorist is one who has a innate bias against motors?
   Is there something wrong with the word "driver."  I understand that somewhere along the way, someone got in a fender bender in his Model T and some mustached news director yelled that his staff needed to stop saying "driver" so much and get a Thesaurus.  The thing is in a medium where writers are taught to be conversational, reaching for a book that lists similar, but unused, words is anything but conversational.
   If the word motorist is going to be used, we must have an accurate definition, which I am going to conclude, from context, must be "one who uses a motor."
   In today's world, don't we all use motors constantly, not just when driving a car.. or, excuse me, motoring a motorized transporation device?  And, why does the "motorist" wreck his "car"?  If they are going to say "motorist", why do they not also occasionally refer to cars as "motorized vehicles", or "magic wheeled horses of the gods"?
   Doesn't the computer I'm typing on have a motor?  So, at this moment, I am a motorist.  Hope I don't get a speeding ticket while motoring!
   Step in a building with a working air conditioner, and congratulaitons, you are a motorist... and happy.
   Use an electric toothbursh, you're a motorist.
   But wait... if you use a tooth-brush... maybe you are a painter... becasue painters uses brushes and you are using a brush.
   Or maybe you are a kindergartener.... becasue you are using paste.. and kindergarteners use paste.
   I'm not saying that every sentence ever written for broadcast must first be diagramed by a third grade English teacher for accuracy, and the writer forced to miss recess if a participle is dangled.(trust me, that really an English thing, I"m not being a perv.)  
   Read above, and you will find several technical violations of the rules of grammar.  But, I think, those violations are very conversational in nature. 
   So, my broadcast friends, I guess I"m just offering a simple reminder that "we've always done it that way" is not a good reason to keep doing silly things.
   Don't get me started on "allegedly".   The word does not cast a magic spell preventing lawsuits.  I promise.
   Until next time, happy motoring.